A Thankful Heart

To say that much has changed in our home since my last post would be a gross understatement.  The lives of everyone in our home, as well as many of those close to us, have been uprooted, tossed about and replanted in an often painful and unpleasant way.  Yet, here we are, weary from the journey, but changed in ways we didn't know were necessary or possible.

We won't dwell on the details or the unpleasantness of the refining fires we have been tested by over the last several months.  Instead, today, we choose to be thankful. Thankful for the good, the bad and the ugly. (cue the old western music)

We have known for weeks that the current academic situation we were experiencing was not ideal, but our options were limited by money and miles.  Something that God has been showing me over the past several week is that He indeed hears the cry of our hearts.  Today, He once again, proved himself faithful to his promises.  

A month ago, we had K tested for learning difficulties and we were overwhelmed by the findings.  Our daughter was struggling much more than we realized and we were not equipped to help her on our own.  A costly alternative was presented to us, and our hearts knew this was exactly what she needed, but our budget could not handle the cost that was necessary.   After prayer and consulting with the wise counsel that God has placed in our lives, we had to take another leap of faith and begin the process of transferring her into a new school.  A meeting date was set for today, and although we weren't certain how the details would play out, we moved forward. 

That's when God showed up.  Details I hadn't even considered yet, He already orchestrated.  Not only has the financial burden, we once thought to be impossible, been lessened, but the timeframe of enrolling her is much sooner as well, as in NEXT WEEK!  Where we see the big picture, God sees the details.  In her new academic environment K will be in a 1:4 ratio with a teacher who is trained to handle and address her specific delays.  She will be exposed to curriculum designed to teach to her learning style, at her pace.  She will be encouraged to flourish in her areas of strength, instead of focusing on her weaknesses.  Since this tailored environment is not regulated by the state, her school days will be shorter and less stressful.  With that change in scheduling, we were left in need of care for her until our work schedules allowed us to pick her up.  God showed up again.  After reaching out to a friend for a recommendation on reliable and loving care, I was introduced to a true answer to prayer.  While I was explaining K's situation and our needs, I was made aware that this very person, the one God ordained to be in our path, is not just familiar with, but certified to teach the very curriculum K will be using in her new school.  She is more than just a capable care taker, she is an invaluable resource.  Not only that, but her own daughter, now a teenager, once dealt with the exact same delays that K struggles through now.  She has seen first hand how those struggles can be overcome through patience and prayer and encouraged me to not give up.

In any transition into something new, K gets very nervous and her anxiety levels increase, leading to behavioral problems. However, after an introductory tour of her new school today and a chance to meet and interact with her caretaker, her response to me was, "Mom, I'm not nervous at all and it feels good not to be nervous." 

God is good, all the time!

Jeremiah 33:3

 

Call on me and I will answer you and show you GREAT AND MIGHTY things!

 



Why Mother's Day Isn't Always "Happy"

The annual day of celebrating Mothers has always been an occasion for happiness in our home. Growing up, my dad would encourage us to show off our artistic ability with homemade cards and breakfast in bed.  We enjoyed lavishing our love on her on that special day. 


Since becoming a mother myself, I have enjoyed the days of handwritten cards, hugs, smiles and the occasional spa day that were bestowed upon me.  


I knew that today would not be the typical Mother's Day.  I knew that the affection my boys feel for me are not the same as those of "K".  I knew that today her heart would be divided by the longing she has for what used to be and the struggle to accept what she has now. 


Watching the inner struggle of a broken hearted nine year old today made me realize that Mother's Day, isn't always "Happy" for every woman and child.  Forgive me for just noticing this fact, but I've lived in a sheltered world most of life.  Today, I began to think of the other boys and girls who are longing for what they no longer have or for what they never knew.  I began to realize that there are mommas our there whose hearts are breaking today for what they have lost or willingly given up, no matter what the reason for their choice.  I realized that there are many women who would give anything to know what it is like to be a momma, through childbirth or adoption. Many are grieving the mommas who have already passed.  Their pain is real and the heartache is something that can only be healed by the love of Jesus. 

While today has been a day of more tears than smiles, more heartache than happiness, I am thankful that God choose me to be the Momma to three amazing kiddos.  My prayer is that someday they will look  past my faults and failures and see the heart of mother who loves them unconditionally.


As you celebrate your own mothers today, take a moment and say a prayer for those whose mother day is less than Happy. 

Adoption is NO JOKE

It's only been one week and yet in some ways it already feels like a lifetime.  Some parts of me feel like "K" has always been with us and yet a part of me keeps looking at this little girl and wondering how she got here and why. 

Adoption is tough.  Adoption is hard work.  Adoption is uncomfortable. Adoption is NO JOKE!


We knew that things were going to change, for all of us.  We knew that it would take time to adjust to a new normal.  We knew a lot of things.  What we didn't understand was just how much this would require of us, physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually.   


What we also didn't understand was even through the extreme exhaustion and frustration God would be drawing our hearts to love a little girl, who for the first time in eight years may be able to see true love, God's love!


I won't dwell on the difficult details of this past week, but I will tell you the amazing things I have seen happen in me and my family so far.  Our boys, who normally pick at and irritate each other for no good reason, have bonded together (partly out of survival instinct) and become true friends this week.  They laugh and spend time together.  Our oldest son even cleaned his entire bedroom this week, WITHOUT being asked, laundry and all.  I have seen them become more servant hearted and helpful.  They offered to make lunch today for the "girls" and even made it a picnic on the back patio because they knew their sister would enjoy that.  They desire to see her happy and adjusted to our new family.  Although the rough moments have been REALLY rough this week, "K" has been able to settle down and accept the changes that are way beyond her control.  God has opened my eyes to show me just how weak and insignificant I am in the bigger picture.  I have become more dependent upon Him for grace and strength in each moment.   Daddy is the backbone of this operation.  Working all day and taking over for a tired Momma as he walks in the door.  He has been amazing and not once has he lost his patience with any of us, even when I forgot to buy him the only thing he asked for at the grocery store! 


While we are far from close to this adjustment being easier or normal, we are pausing to praise our amazing God for just how much He has shown himself to us already.  We are growing in hard ways, but with beautiful results. 


"...and I am sure of this, the He who began a good work in you, will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  Philippians 1:6


If you are inclined to pray for us, here are some specific ways:


Wednesday, April 2 - We go to court to sign our guardianship papers for legal custody.  This means that her former family will also be signing their surrender paperwork.  Please pray for them. While I do not understand their decision, I know that this cannot be easy for them either. 


 -- Continue to pray for "K" while she transitions to our family.  She is sweet and loving and wants to please, but so very confused on what true love is and what it means.  She asks hard questions that are beyond her ability to understand, but she needs answers. 


-- Continue to pray for our boys as they adjust to their lives and routines being affected by a new addition.  Pray for patience to deal with a sister and her imaginary world of amazement.  Pray for them as they are being molded into servants and leaders.  Pray that the bond they are forming as brothers will be everlasting.


-- Continue to pray for us as parents to all three of our children.  While "fairness" is not a true concept because they come from different places, we want to love them equally.  Pray for strength on the hard days and rest when things aren't so difficult.  Pray for strength in our marriage as our days our long and our time together is lessened right now. 


--Most of all, pray that God would be glorified in the story He is writing in our family -- 

"YES"

Our family began an adoption journey nearly 2 years ago.


When we answered the call to adopt, we said "yes", but definitely set our own guidelines for the process. WE chose to adopt a girl. WE chose Bulgaria. WE chose the age range. WE chose the agency. For all this time we have been waiting - not always patiently for God to fit into our what WE chose.



Last month, I had the opportunity to attend my second Created For Care conference in Atlanta. It is a weekend long getaway for adoptive moms. While I was there God definitely worked on my heart to show me that my "yes" wasn't really a yes. I wanted to be obedient, but on my terms. Over and over, the words from Hillsong's 'Oceans' played through my mind. ---Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger--- If was going to sing those words, I needed to be willing to live them out too.



Kirk and I talked and prayed about our situation and decided we needed to be open to whatever God has for us, broaden our guidelines and see what happened. We contacted our social worker and began the process of changing our paperwork, which was due for an update. Kirk mailed the new home study on March 4th out on March 6th we got a phone call that will change our lives forever. 

We had been planning all this time for an international adoption, but God had been planning something different. You see, there is a 8 year old girl in Memphis, who desperately needs a loving home - NOW. After countless emails and phone calls and counseling and obviously LOTS of prayers, we agreed to pursue her adoption.


Our family made a trip to Memphis last weekend to spend some time with "K" and get to know her.  We were instantly captivated by her smile and laughter.  She lights up a room!  She drew immediately to our boys and began to throw a ball and play "Monkey in the middle" with us all.  We spent time at the park and Chuck E Cheese before she had to return.  On Saturday, we spent most of the day with her and again, we were amazed by her. 


The next few days will be filled with many emotions for her as well as our family.  We cannot wait for Saturday, our "Gotcha Day"!  She will be FOREVER a part of our family. 


There is still so much to pray over so I am asking you to please lift up our family over the next few days in these specific ways:
Please pray for "K's" heart to be open to the changes she is about to experience. Pray for God to surround her and protect her heart while her life is turned on end. Pray for peace for her little heart as she is handed over to a family she barely knows.
Pray for Kirk and I as we make radical plans for me to take an extended leave from work to be able to be home with her, homeschool her, LOVE HER BIG. Pray for wisdom to understand when she cries out in anger that she is crying out for LOVE.
Pray for our boys, while they are excited, there is still an apprehension to the unknown. Pray that their hearts are softened to understand her pain and that they will be able to love her in amazing ways too.
Pray for the funds we still need to secure in a very short amount of time. We know that God will provide for our every need, down to the penny.
We are praising God for this amazing blessing and opportunity to pour His love into a life that is broken and hopeless. We are humbled.

Oceans

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand

 And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine

 Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed, and You won't start now

 So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine

 Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

 I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine

Read more: Hillsong United - Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) Lyrics | MetroLyrics

A New Year, a New Outlook

         

If you know you me at all, you know I LOVE music.  

 

I believe this can attributed to my dad.  He also loved music.  As young kids he tortured  introduced us to many different genres of music.  Family vacations would include long hours in the family station wagon listening to artist like Marty Robbins, Kenny Rogers, The Statler Bros,  The Platters, John Denver, Bill Monroe, Crystal Gayle,  The Baldknobbers, Fats Waller....and of course, at least once we were treated to "their song", Waltz Across Texas by Ernest Tubb.

 

While those artists may not be my favorites today, the love of music dad developed in me still remains.   Thankfully, my sweet hubby knows of this obsessions and is willing to fuel the fire.  For Christmas he added to my CD collection. (I know, we are still behind in the technology club, don't judge!)   

 

After several hours of listening to my new tunes on repeat, I realized I found a song whose lyrics scream my hearts cry for this new year.  Here goes (try not to imagine me singing this in my kitchen , slightly off key, with a wooden spoon as my microphone.....you'll enjoy it more).

 

PRESS ON

Philippians 3 - 12:14

 

When I'm alone, when I'm afraid

When I have had all I can take

Losing my grip, I start to slip away

When I can hear the voice of doubt

Inside my head screaming loud

Strengthen my faith and help me say

Today, today

 

I will follow, I will press on

Even when the walk feels long

Your hands hold me together

You love is with me forever

Through the broken, through the victory

I will praise you through it all

And run hard to race it done

I, I'm gonna press on, press on

 

How many storms have I been through

How many have led me straight to You

You are using the pain, the hardest days

For my good, my good

So what do I fear

God you are with me

Guiding my steps today

Through the mountains, valleys, sun and rain

Lord lead the way, lead the way

 

I will follow, I will press on

Even when the walk feels long

Your hands hold me together

You love is with me forever

Through the broken, through the victory

I will praise you through it all

And run hard to race it done

I, I'm gonna press on, press on

 

One step in front of the other

No looking back, no looking back

One step in front of the other

I'm gonna press on, I'm gonna press on

 

MANDISA

 

 

Now, go listen to Mandisa belt it out in her amazing voice and be encouraged to "Press On" in 2014.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

      

My Heart's Desire this Christmas

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Our family enjoyed an un-stressful, un-eventful Christmas today and for that I am thankful.  I truly mean that.  No presents had to be pre or post assembled.  No worries about not having the right size batteries.  Thanks to a generous gift certificate to Honey Baked Ham, I hardly had to do any cooking. 

Our day starts with the usual Christmas traditions I grew up with.  Once everyone is awake, and surprisingly teen age boys can wake up early at least once a year, we pass out the stockings.  Just enough of a Christmas treat to keep everyone occupied until we finish breakfast.  We gather on the couch and read the Christmas story together and pause to remember why we celebrate this day.

"For unto you is born this day in the city of David,

a Savior, who is Christ the Lord." 

Then the presents! We try to prolong the day as much a possible by only allowing one person to open a gift at a time and everyone watches and ooohs and ahhs over their new treasure.  Today was no different.  As the wrapping was ripped off and the surprised faces were caught on camera and posted to social media we laughed and enjoyed the splendor of the morning. 

Today, though, my heart didn't swell with the usual fulfilled feeling that Christmas brings.  Instead, I found my thoughts drifting to a face I have never seen and a place I have never been.  I  found myself wondering if the little girl God has chosen for us had presents to unwrap or a camera anxiously awaiting to capture her precious smile. Was their a hot meal to warm her little belly? Did anyone tell her the true meaning of Christmas?  Did anyone hear her hearts desire for a family to love her forever?  
Among the hardest parts of being a "waiting" adoptive mother is that you do not have a due date to look forward to! We continually are asked by friends and family if there any updates or new news and we repeatedly smile and say "We're waiting".  My heart aches every time I say those words. 

Praying for our little girl that this is her last Christmas to be with out her forever family.  Praying, believing God to bring her home in 2014. 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I Sure Could Use a Little Good News Today

Without much news to share, we haven't been diligent at updating our blog.  After 19 months of "being in the process" all we can say with certainty is that we are waiting.   Waiting on a foreign government to put the needs of orphaned boys and girls as a priority and work quickly to match them with forever families......families who are waiting with anxious and longing hearts to see their faces and hold them in their arms. 
We've been told that the matching process could take up to 2 years and we have officially only been in the Bulgarian system for 9 months.  Our wait could still be a while longer. 


God has been faithful to us in the waiting.  We have been able to build a house that allows her and our boys to have a room of there own. Her room is almost ready and is just missing the little girl who will call it home. 

 

 

While we continue to wait on God's timing, we've been able to see how the process is molding our family, both immediate and extended, into the family who will love her as our own.  I am confident that when the wait is over, it will have been worth every month, day, hour spent longing for a little girl whose face we have yet to see. 

 

To those using our Amazon and Just Love Coffee links - Thank you! To those who pray for our family - Thank You!    We are grateful for your support.